Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Bitty plans journal entry

SO my plan is to move out, buy a house with a porch and accessorize it with 7 cats.. Since cats are symbolic of my destined singlehood. They are a declaration of my inability to marry. This is right, I am a taking on my destined call as cat woman. However due to my self declared cat allergy I need to make a slight adjustment in plans. I need to make all owned Ronnie cats allergy proof. So my plan is to buy ceramic cats…..ceramic cats with combable hair. I will line them across my window panes with all of their ugly heads facing outside. I’ll put them on my countertops and empty the litterbox 4 no reason at all other than the fact that I felt the need. I’ll occasionally clog my vacuum with large wads of hairballs that I collected from my shower drain and blame if on the cats darn shedding. I’ll put pieces of leg hair from my razor in random food articles to surprise me later when I eat and blame it on the cats. Maybe on occasion I will set one in the middle of the road to be ran over and smashed to pieces. I will run into the streets crying and gathering the broken pieces into my apron and I will go into the back yard and bury them. Then after weeks of mourning over my loss I will buy 5 more cats to replace the one that was ran over. I will buy five because the ceramic cat I had just lost had so many personalities so in order to replace my loss I would buy a collection of 5 that each had a dash of dead kitties personality. Of course I will also excuse myself for buying so many because when they are on the dollar store shelf they looked so lonely and needed homes. And when I go home to sleep at night I will find that all my ceramic kittens take up my bed at night and I will have to sleep on the floor. Then I will go to the doctor for back pain and cry when he tells me that I have to get rid of my ceramic kittens. …..YES THAT IS THE WAY I SEE THE REST OF MY FUTURE AS A BITT Y INDEED!!

4 comments:

Jourdan said...

um. do you or do you not have a boyfriend?


Don't be buyin' ceramic cats just quite yet. You're WAY too hot for ceramic cats... wait till you've put on 50 lbs or so.

Miller Family said...

The good thing is that the cats will be YEARS down the road. Since it has taken you 2 years to "buy a house" that you still haven't. And 1 1/2 years to buy a truck that you still haven't. I will give you some props for finally going to the GYNO at the ripe old age of 27. (that only took 8 years.) So more appropriatley you will go window shopping for ceramic cats in at the dollar store, and dream of the above, but never find that first perfect cat.

David & Jessica said...

Oh my! How do you come up with things like this? I am glad you think of things like this so I can laugh my pants off! I hope you had a good birthday!

RONNIE said...

Jo JO...this was an actuall journal entry from a couple of years ago....I just thought it fit the mood for the birthday this year perfectly. lol