Friday, November 9, 2007

Mud Poo Plow Ride

It all started with a phone call from Camille. She was babysitting a bunch o kids with a small pasture in the back, a 4 wheeler, a rope and a sled...she said I just had to try to. I of course grabbed my trusty companion Chewy and we were there in now time flat. Sounded like heaven to me!!

SO here is a much apprecited photo of the group of us.

I know the pictures are hard to see, but I am not about to go buy a scanner to please my few blogg readers. I am on the left...wrapped in a trash bag with bare feet exposed. Few things feel better between the toes then mud or in this and goat dung!!

Everyone was wearing a mask and i thought that was dumb....until my first ride...when I was having so much fun I could't help but grin with glee. But the rope was short and I pretty much swallowed everything the 4 wheeler slipped in...aka horse and goat dung. NOW THAT IS AN INTERESTING texture of GRIT to have in your teeth. I will never forget trying remove from my front teeth that thick gritty grassy dung that was stuck to my front teeth like plaster!! After that ride I decided the mask was a good idea!

Up to the right is Camel...we all hate her because she broke the sled and ruined it for the rest of us!

White Trash Carolin

Ah, I remember it like it was yesturday, I was laying on the coach at Christmas time this year, going on hour 20 of pointless yet oh so fulfilling sarcassm and joking with the sisters. That was when we got a knock on the door and the sound of singing b4 we could answer. There at our door sang a family of carolers that sounded as good as the Osmans themselves. We sat there listening with an ackward stance wondering when it would end and if we could clapp early to end the ackward momment. As they left we couldn't help but laugh at the thought of our contorted family doing such a lovey, feely, oozing with love sort of thing. We joked about our off tune voices, or inability to be serious and how aweful it would be to try and follow the perfect performance to the family that had just caroled at our door... and then one thing lead to another and within a half hour we were out with a performance we called "WHITE TRASH CAROLING." see the picture below.

1. Intro note by BOBO with her flute shaped duck that is played by blowing into it's butt
2. A group singing JINGLE BELLS accompanied by me playing the recorder with my nose( and yes, embarassingly enough I did blow a bubble with my other nostril at the first house becuase I was suffering from allergy season)
3. Mom buzzing the buzzer from TABOO every time we sang the words "Jingle Bells"
4. Tasha clashing two pot tops together like symbols after Jingle Bells lyrics were sung
5. Bree hiding along the side of the house and leaping out across the background each time jingle bells was sung with a bumble bee hat atop her head and a sheer flowing too too around her waist that swept the air as she leaped across the porch.

THE LOOKS and the laughter on peoples faces were absolutely priceless. It was a a caroling they are bound to Never forget. So I bring to the blog o RONNIE wonderful family tradition of WHITE TRASH CAROLING, invented by yours truely!!

Surpise in the Envelope!!

It is one of those things...If you ask Bree I started it and if you ask Bree sHe started it...but somewhere amoung the mission parting that was set between us there arose a "surprise in the envelope." As I remember it I had acutally obtained my first foot callus...(from all me hard tracting) and the day I peeled it off I felt it necessary to proove my hard work to my family and so enclosed in the envelope it was shipped to WA.
Of course when BRee saw it she thought it was weak sauce so she felt it necessary to send me a larger callus. A callus so big I am surprised it fit in the envelope! It was quite an eventful momment to be taken on my own joke and to be on the other end of the surprise containing here is it....the classic "Brees Callus Scrapbook Page."

Please note, this is the Acutal callus sent to me by Bree. I saved it because it was such a classic. I saved it my entire mission through transfers and here it is nearly 5 years later...neatly pressed in my Scrapbook page. Man that girl makes me proud!

Seran Wrap Wrestle

So we saw this on Americas funniest home videos one day and I was determined to try it. It is easy...all you do is get a roll o seran wrap and tightly wrap yourself in it..hands and all..light a straight jacket it is. Then when both opponents have been tightly sealed...they fight...first to fall..looses. The funniest part is the fact that once you are knocked over and fall...there is not breaking the fall because your hands are tied in!! All you can do it hope that you don't fall face first...cuz that can really hurt. I thought that was so hilarious. So here we our wrestling jerseys you could say....

Unfortnatly this didn't last long because once you are knocked literally can't get back up because there is not bending at the hips, no arms to help can't even roll I found out. And it was about this time that I realized this thing and felt the weight of BoBo ontop of me that I FREAKED!!! I had a major clastrophobic episode suddenly I was breathing quite panickd like I had been buried alive. I started begging my MOm to get the scissor and let me loose. Chewy and Bo Bo of course we laughing their heads off..but I was pretty much convinced I was about to die. I started screaming like a Mommmas definelty wasn't one of my finer momments. Inbetweem my Mom nearly wetting her pants out of laughter...she was able to get the scissor and release me from my buried alive experience...I wanted to wet the ground with my tears of grattitude. I would have given both my kindneys and subjected myself to permenant dialysis for the rest of my life if it came down to it.
The good news is that Chewy was fine as day in her cacoon o seran wrap. So we decided to finish off our plan and we carried her outside and then took her to the top of our grass hill. We figured since she was all bound up she would roll down the hill like a bullet..but instead..with her hands at her side..she took on a more rectangle figure and tumbled down the hill in a rolling brick fashion and bruised up her arms real good. Nevertheless, it was an entertaining experience to watch..but if you happen to be a claustrophobic like myself...I don't recommend it any more then I would recommend being buried alive!!

Family Classics

These are a few family classics of Chewy and BoBo as kids fallin asleep in the most random places. Here is Tash falling asleep upsidedown in the recliner...feet where the butt should go and her head where her feet should be hanging.

Then there is Bree here...she just fell alseep top 2 bar stools....not exactly a safe place..and chances are pretty good that after we took the picture we left her there to keep sleeping.

Pumpkin HEads as we call it

SO I hope the picture turns out...but one year after playing a fierce game of rotten tomatoe baseball in the garden I somehow convinced my sisters that we should put the pumpkins on our we did. See the picture is quite impressive..

Please note that this is dangerous and should not be tried at little sister nearly snapped her neck when she let got of her pumpkin and it started to tip back on her. ONly experienced pumpkin personal should do this trick, and there are only a few of us in the a freak circus act we are.

DOn't forget the pumpkin

Here is my pumpkin carve this year....someone thought it was a monkey...I was insulted..

Tuesday, November 6, 2007


It was college time and the season of Christmas was much needed in the apartment. Stress was in the air as finals came around and we approached month 4 of an un named roomate who thought herself above cleaning her dishes.
Somehow, in the small town of Rexburg we heard of a Christmas tree cutting that was availble for a college affordabel price.
So off the the mountains we went with our FHE brothers each ready to cut a tree for our apartments. Our un-named too good for washing dishes room mate was not a fan of the idea and so I wanted to be sure to make this tree especially upsetting to her. I wanted a Grinch Tree I too tall for the ceiling. One that had to fold at the top because it is too tall for the room!! I just knew that would upset her and I woudl NOT settle for anything less! So we set to work looking for a tree. Our FHE brothers in theri in my 88 civic up in the moutains. I am betting you can guess which one of us got stuck!

That was when we spotted it!!! The perfect Grinch tree. We brought it home and decorated it according to our budget...and she HATED it!! Now we could finally annoy her as much as she annoyed us!! IT was the best Christmas ever!! SEe picture above.
Roach and I decorated it with the following decorations
> Bomber Bob with Parachute as the tree topper
> Walmart baggs rolled in balls for ornaments
> Old Fashioned hand strung popcorn strings
> Classic car track around the bottom

Sunday, November 4, 2007

BeWarE of the posers

I just wanted to personally complain about one of the ladies of who's house I attended the night of the trick or treat.
There was a lady who wasn't even that old and she was handing out OLD LADY CANDY!!! Who did she think she was? She ahd NO right to hand out that nasty crap. (See picture for description o crappy candy)

She was well previous to her insanity claiming age. Everyone knows only the old senial posing senior citizens are entitled to that!!! Making it to that age has it's priveledges, one of them being the right to hand out cheap nasty hard candy. How dare a younger woman try to takd ethat priveledge at an earlier age!! She didn't even have a speck of salt or pepper in her hair!!
Anyhow, as I opened my vunerable trick or treat bag to her welcoming smile I was greatly decieved as she reached into her bag of poo candy and dumped a big handful in my bag!!!The whole time she smiled like she was doing something kind or nice! Like she was being generous or something.
Well I was no only takes one taste of the crappy stuff to have the memmories permanently tattooed in your brain like an abusive relationship. I remember the time I unwrapped the bright red attractive wrapper with glee...only to be disgusted with the lack of texture, lack of chocolate and lack of pleasure that came from the so called candy. That wrapper haunts my mind like a bad beating from my parent. One taste of that bitty candy and you never make that mistake again.
This lady was taking me for an idiot!! LIttle did she know..underneath the beareded wig was a lifelearned 26 year old who could not be tricked. I knew that crap sells for the penny a pound.
THAT WAS WHEN SHE REACHED FOR HANDFUL NUMBER TWO!!! I knew I had to act fast..I couldn't have that crap candy weighing down these trick or treat legs. I had to ,keep my agility and speed if I was going to go for the ten pound mark!! Those very ounces of tastless candy could be the very thing that kept me for reaching that last door before the light turned off!! Oh,NO. I was not going to have ANY of that. I was no youngster at her doorstep, I was a 26 year old trick or treater...I mean business when it comes to the trick or treat!!!
Quick to my senses I turned and ran away from her before she could dump the crummy candy in my well earned bag! I was insulted...I was disgusted!! How could she? I would have been the same amount of insulted if she had dropped dung in my bag!!
SO let me just warn you all...if you think you are getting off easy by buying that cheap candy you are kidding nobody but yourself! If you don't have something chocolate covered in your bowl and you are under the age of 60 do the world a favor and just turn off your lights and don't answer the door on the night of the trick or treat.

The trick o treat

So once again my lame friends were expectedly lame and nobody wanted to go trick o treating with me. But determine ox that I am, I went might think that is lame...but to me lame is sitting at home like the boring ol adult you are uncostumized on Halloween night.
This year I dressed up as Merlin. My aunt Lynnae had this great costume that I just couldn't bear to see go to waste another year. So I strapped on the ol wizard,cloak, beard, mustache, hat and all.

IT was great...right up until I tried to fit in the little Blue L.S.S Civie and realized my hat was too tall to get in. I would have poked my hat through the sun roof but I had just sealed it shut for the I had to resort to hangin my head out the window the entire time since my hat wouldn't fit in the car....I am sure it was quite the site. Me hanging my head out the car while driving.

And to all you genious folk out there I would like to mention that i couldn't just take my hat off cuz it was attached to my mustache and 12 foot beard. But all the time of driving with a kinked neck made me really quite jealous of all the kids who had parents to drive them around.I offered to let my so called friend Sara be my designated driver but she declined.
Another tragedy of the night was my sock problem. Although before leaving home I strategically changed socks to prevent them from falling I ended up putting on another pair of socks that fell down anyways. After stopping to pull them up twice I couldn't take the setback any more and I let the socks win and kept the sock all-a-bundle in the arches of my feet the whole night.

Another near destroying momment was when I had just rang the doorbell and my cell phone went off.....of which I put in my pillowcase...surrounded in ample amounts of candy. If they heard my cell phone go off it would blow my cover for sure!! So I hurriedly found it only to see it was Tara and to hang up on her. Just then they answered the was a close call pun intended.

I also recommend bringing friend (which is alot harder then it sounds). Cuz they can help ya remember where you have already been. Cuz I accidently double backed on a house this was rather embarrassing when they answered the door. But it is hard to concentrate on details when you are running around in a real candy land. I was a kid again.... candy was all that matter. Cars and headlights couldn't stop me...tonight I was invinsible again!!

I also talked to some of the kids on the streets (the trick o treat streets). As the night grew old the ol' baggs started turning off their lights at like 8 and 9!!! I knew I didn't have time to waste so I asked the kids if I should skip any houses. They were kid enough to warn me of rip off houses and they told me of a house that was giving out not 1 but 2 KIng size candy bars!!! Time was running short aso I booked it straight up the hill to the house till I found the most ultimate supreme house o candy. They opened their door and treated me as their own child as they showed me a plethera coated table of king size candy bars to choose from. The momment was sweet my friends...even poetic!

Although I made off like a bandent that night I would just like to give a shout out to my two best partners in trick o treat crime. The ones who were with me through the rains of Washington in trick or treat pasts. Some of my best trick or treat momments were with BOBO and Chewy. Together we made trick or treat history for years on end, bringing in an average of ten pounds of candy each. The momments were mommentious and divine. Our plan was master. And I couldn't have done it with out them. Cheers to the wonderful nights of the trick or treat and the beautiful sugar commas that follow.

Heres an old pic to remember the times... Chewy took on the tradition of Micheal Jackson....Bo Bo was a baby....Camel was a elephant...and I was SuperPig.