Wednesday, April 30, 2008



Tuesday, April 29, 2008

shootin pigeons

FOr some reason Christine was really hestitant to take this picture for me. It took about 5 "I promise there are no bullets in this" and 5 "My finger is not on the trigger" convincings for her to take it. But now, looking at it from her view, I understand why.

So here is an old pic from last summer that was quite comical. I went shooting with my friends Christine, Jared and Josh. After driving around all morning I got the job of carrying the "clay pigeons." Now mind you...I have never been shooting least not with "clay pigeons." So I had no idea what that ment. I thought they were little birds that spring up in the air and you shot them, like on the old Nintendo game Duckhunt. I thought they sprang up on their own somehow and they were in the shape of little bird. Yeah, well I was wrong and this is how I found out in the form of a converstion here it goes.
Jared: Hay ROnnie can you carry this box of pigeons
ME: Of course, I can carry two, they don't weigh that much.
Jared: Are you sure?
I of course roll my eyes and start trecking off with two boxes of clay pigeons showing just how independent and buff I am. Then right as I get to our shooting destination I slapp those boxes down on the ground and hear a very unexpected clatter
Jared:(all up in arms) What are you doing? You just broke all of those pigeons. Those are fragile. Can't you read the box it says "fragile as eggs."
ME: Oops. I had no idea. They probably aren't that bad.
About this time I open up the boxes to find a box of shattered clay...that looked just like a bunch of egg shells in a box and I gasp.

Jared: I can't believe you just did that! They are no good now.
ME: Well I had no idea! I don't know what clay pigeons are. And NO I don't read every box before I pick it up to know that it is "fragile as eggs."
About this time I am trying to convince everyone that I didn't spoil all the fun and I try to a piece of fragmented pigeon into the air for someone to shoot but as you can imagine that didn't work well at all. It worked about as well as throwing a dandelion into the air to shoot at.

So yeah, it was a memmorable event and now I know what a clay pigeon is, and I think it is a dumb name and they should be called fragile frisbees instead.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

The UGLY Talk

I have frequently had friends and roomates who have come to me out of distress and grief after being turned down by the current boy of their liking. Ninety percent of the time it is because the boy has found interest in someone who is more attractive then them. After listening to their cries I calculate their level of listening to determine if they are ready for my self titled "UGLY TALK." Then I proclaim, do you know what you need? You need the UGLY talk. And so I bring to you the highly anticipated UGLY TALK.

It all originated when I was alone on a repititious weekend of datelessness. thinking about one of my roommates in college who was extremely good looking. All the boys flocked to her and wanted to date her. Every guy wanted a "piece of her" as they put it. I remember one guy saying that he just wanted to kiss her. While all the boy flocking may seem nice, I realized that she actually had a crap load of problems on her hands because she was soo good looking. Sure she was on lots of dates but how was she to decipher just which guys really liked her for her and which of these guys just wanted a piece of her sexy self. Honestly how was she ever to tell which of these guys actually liked her for the good person she was? And to further the problem, she was sooo good looking that I dont' think the guys took any thought to as if THEY really liked her for who she was. I am sure most of them were running off pure hormones and never took any thought into wheither they really liked her as a person, they just new she was a high priced item they could parade around.

THen there was me...the UGLY kid. I never got asked out and when I did the boys quickly lost interest in me as soon as they met her. And as a matter of fact I was quite impressed if someone still showed interest in me after meeting her. I thought....gee they must really like me for the type of person I am, cuz it is quite obvious that they can get better looking then me. It was after this thought process that i realized what an advantage it is to be the ugly kid. If some guy shows interest in me I didn't even have to go through the sifting process that she did. I never wondered if he just liked me for my looks. I never had to try to decipher if he liked me for me. I never had to wonder if he was blinded by my beauty . That clearly was not an option. So all the sifting and problem solving that she had to go through was already a solved problem for me!!
I never had to worry if down the road he will leave me when I am mishaped and aged...cuz I am already mishaped and aged!! My ugly kidness already had it narrowed down to 2 options...either he was desperate or he actually liked me for me. The good news is that the desperate ones are easy to identify ...leaving me with an end product of being asked out by a guy who actually likes me for me.
While the pretty girls can go through guy after guy after guy I really only have to sort through a few crazies and some honestly good guys would take character and personality over good looks. SO really I have got it quite good being kid ugly. That is the ugly talk. Now aren't you glad you are ugly?

Friday, April 18, 2008

The nickname

Erin asked me what BLUE L.S.S. stood for and I figured I ought to explain what exactly she stands for and how it came is really pretty simple.
For the common car buff like myself....we all know that SS stands for super sport. You can find it on some of the finest, sexiest cars ever made....such as the Malibu, the Chevelle, the Nova and the list goes on. Many of these cars made their appearance in the 60's and hold a special place in my heart.
Well, the blue L.S.S. holds a special place in my heart too...but in a different, love your ugliest child sort of way. So I felt it appropriate to grant her a name and so the BLUE L.S.S. was born. But instead of it standing for super sport it stands for
Blue Little Super Sh*t. Because that is what she is...a little super powered terd....and I love her!

JOJOs art o my bum

I got this birthday card many many years ago from my dear friend has always been my favorite.

Friday, April 4, 2008

The relationship turns Ugly

Sojust as soon as I started praising Blue L.S.S. the relationship turns ugly. It all occured the day after I drove home with "Christmas lights for head lights." I knew that she couldn't tucker another drop forward till I got her a new alternator. SO good owner that I am I got an alternator at the store..and thinking about it I felt quite dumb because I bought the super expensive alternator rather then the downgrade which is sure to last longer then her anyways.
So I thought it was going to be an easy fix...and it was...all except for the removal. I popped alternator-old right out in no time...but getting the alternator out was another story....
I tried to pass it through the bottom..too small. I tried to pull it through the top...too small. Then I saw the perfect opening! The only thing standing between me and a job well done was a single sounded simple...right up until I tried to loosen that bolt. I grabbed my trusty tools to loosen the bolt...won't budge. I tried to WD40 the bolt...won't budge. I tried cussing at the bolt...won't budge. I called a buff boy to help move the bolt...won't budge. I tried putting a 3 foot PVC pipe on my rachet for leverage...won't budge. I tried cussing at the bolt...won't budge.I kicked her bumper with my foot....won't budge. I screamed and grimaced while trying to bust the bolt loose...won't budge. I tried cussing...won't budge..then I just cussed anyways.

I really thought this was the end...I thought this was were out relationship would end. I talked out loud to her about the nice truck I would be buying to replace try and make her jealous. Then I left to my soccor game and I left little blue in the garage to think about her actions and to reconsider the consequences.

Right HERE i would like to put a big thanks for ERIN who let me borrow her car multiple times during the Blue L.S.S. coma state. It was about 12 midnight that I was driving back from my soccor game that my hamster wheel couldn't stop turning...I just HAD to get that alternator out.

So once again I got under my car in the garage around 1am and after few angery words and a few adjustments with the HAMMER...I moved a few things and low and behold around 1:30 AM the little Blue gave birth to the most beautiful alternator I had ever seen!! I was sooooo extactic. I was holding that alternator like a new born baby and running around shouting "WHoo HOO I ROCK...I KNEW I could do it....I ROCK." At the top of my lungs all alone in the garage. It truely was a beautiful thing.


So it was the next morning and just 45 min later that the new alternator was put into place and me and blue have been running around like old buddies again. It was our first big fight and somehow it made our relationship stronger. We both learned not to take each other for granted any more and to treat each other better.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008


Bought her for 2,500 bucks in 2000.

SEPT 2000-->Drove her from WA 2 Utah with her packed to the ceiling with my provisions and good friend Camel. First time i moved away from home...I cried.
NOV 2000-->Intended to drive her from Provo to WA but realized I took a wrong freeway when I passed the "Welcome to Nevada" sign. So it turned out to be a UT->Nevada detour--> Wa trip.
Nov 2000--> Wa 2 Utah. I got a pricey ticket in Oregon for $275!! For going about thirty over the speed limit. Amazingly the police took an expired insurance card and didn't notice..cuz I was uninsured that month.
Same trip...LIl blue ran an entire 30 minutes straight while sputtering from a lack of gas....then finally tuckered out. Ran out of gas in Troutdale Oregon. Off duty police officer took us to get gas.
Nov 2000--> WA 2 Utah
Sept 2000- April 2001-->Lil blue drives me to auto parts, sees candies and bed and breakfast jobs daily.
Decemeber 2001...Utah 2 WA
Dec 2001--> WA to Utah
March 2001--> Utah 2 California...on a bad transmission.. with JO JO and Apes to be in the Price it RIGHT
March 2001--> served as our hotel room since we were took cheap/broke to purchase one.The next morning we realized that we should have rolled down some windows rather then paste them with 3 peoples release of carbon dioxide from an entire nights sleep/partial sufficiation.
March 2001 --> Utah 2 Cali .... on a bad transmission.
April 2001--> Utah 2 WA with the ceilings packed with my things and trusty compansion Camel...on a bad transmission. Camel got pulled over by a cop...we got away clean.
Got a speeding ticket in Oregon... in a construction zone after watching the movie the Fast and the Furious which triggered imagination and caused my lead foot.
MAY 2001-->Lil Blue finally got a much deserved NEW... slightly used ...transmission.
Despite new gasket attempts...lil blue suffers from a minor oil leak.
June 2001- August-->Lil Blue drives me to Sees candies, rental house cleaning and janitor jobs all summer and fall.
July 2001--> Blue L.S.S. is hit by my employer and bumper falls off on one side. I laugh, shrug and reassemble her with a few tie straps.
August 2001-->Drove lil blue to Rexburg Idaho..just me..lil air cruise control.
August 2001 - April-->Lil blue survives a Rexburg winter with no problems.
December 2001-> Idaho 2 WAshington
Dec 2001--> WA 2 Idaho
July 2001 --->drives me and roomies to Jackson Wyoming
March 2002--> Lil blue takes me on a long drive as I cry because the Lord told me to go on a mission but I didn't want to.
April 2002--> Rexburg 2 WA.
Lil blue sits in my driveway for nearly 2 years while I am on my mission
Dec 2005 I return from my mission and my beloved Blue L.S.S. won't start.
Dec 2005 a prayer was offered up on behalf of lil blue and she was raised from the dead.
Lil blue drives me to work for a few more months.
April 2005-->WA 2 Rexburg Idaho once again.
Sept 2005--> Idaho to Utah...I cried most of the drive..scared of the unknown
2005-2007-->LIl blue drives me to school and college and clinicals every day for the next two years.
October 2007 Lil blue recieves a blow to the side as a car hits in her hospital parking garage. I laugh.
Jan 2008 Lil blues starter goes out. (replaces by yours truley)
Feb 2008 new battery
March 2008 Lil blues alternator goes out. (replaced by yours truely)

That makes a grand total of 6 trips to WA, 5 trips to Utah, 4 trips to Idaho, one default trip to Nevada, on trip to Cali and a trip to Wyoming. Add the trips of everyday driving and that is a lot of love that the Blue L.S.S. has put out.

April 2008 The blue L.S.S. continues to drive like a charm. Sure she is ugly on all exterior surfaces in that..
Her paint is peeling like a bad cancerous sunburn
Her engine is covered in a mess of oil from deposits of a 6 year oil leak accumulated
Her bumper is crooked from my employer knockin it off
Her headlights barely work cuz they aren't worth replacing
When I turn off the windshield wipers they stop in the middle of my windshield blocking my view so I have to turn them off at the split second they hit the bottom of windshield/view.
In the lyrics of Eve 6..."my pile shakes when it hits 80 on the open road"
Her body isn't exactly straight since she was completly totaled by the first owner.
I get worlds worst charley horses in my leg on long trips since I don't have cruise control
I won't drive in the middle of the day during the summer cuz I don't have air conditioning.

WHile all these things suck royally they just don't compare to the good years and memmories that we have built between us. She has always been there for me that I just can't bare to part with her. She just won't give up and until the day that she wants to return to junk yard heaven I am going to hold tight to her and love her to the very end. Here is to my Blue L.S.S. who is always there through thick and thin.