Saturday, April 19, 2008

The UGLY Talk

I have frequently had friends and roomates who have come to me out of distress and grief after being turned down by the current boy of their liking. Ninety percent of the time it is because the boy has found interest in someone who is more attractive then them. After listening to their cries I calculate their level of listening to determine if they are ready for my self titled "UGLY TALK." Then I proclaim, do you know what you need? You need the UGLY talk. And so I bring to you the highly anticipated UGLY TALK.

It all originated when I was alone on a repititious weekend of datelessness. thinking about one of my roommates in college who was extremely good looking. All the boys flocked to her and wanted to date her. Every guy wanted a "piece of her" as they put it. I remember one guy saying that he just wanted to kiss her. While all the boy flocking may seem nice, I realized that she actually had a crap load of problems on her hands because she was soo good looking. Sure she was on lots of dates but how was she to decipher just which guys really liked her for her and which of these guys just wanted a piece of her sexy self. Honestly how was she ever to tell which of these guys actually liked her for the good person she was? And to further the problem, she was sooo good looking that I dont' think the guys took any thought to as if THEY really liked her for who she was. I am sure most of them were running off pure hormones and never took any thought into wheither they really liked her as a person, they just new she was a high priced item they could parade around.

THen there was me...the UGLY kid. I never got asked out and when I did the boys quickly lost interest in me as soon as they met her. And as a matter of fact I was quite impressed if someone still showed interest in me after meeting her. I thought....gee they must really like me for the type of person I am, cuz it is quite obvious that they can get better looking then me. It was after this thought process that i realized what an advantage it is to be the ugly kid. If some guy shows interest in me I didn't even have to go through the sifting process that she did. I never wondered if he just liked me for my looks. I never had to try to decipher if he liked me for me. I never had to wonder if he was blinded by my beauty . That clearly was not an option. So all the sifting and problem solving that she had to go through was already a solved problem for me!!
I never had to worry if down the road he will leave me when I am mishaped and aged...cuz I am already mishaped and aged!! My ugly kidness already had it narrowed down to 2 options...either he was desperate or he actually liked me for me. The good news is that the desperate ones are easy to identify ...leaving me with an end product of being asked out by a guy who actually likes me for me.
While the pretty girls can go through guy after guy after guy I really only have to sort through a few crazies and some honestly good guys would take character and personality over good looks. SO really I have got it quite good being kid ugly. That is the ugly talk. Now aren't you glad you are ugly?

1 comment:

Jourdan said...

Now now. Just fess up Ron and let everyone know who your drop-dead roommate was....{fluttering eyelashes}

We may differ in opinions on your looks but there is no denying I can fit your waist between my fingers. I'll trade you my thunder thighs for yours if you'd just give me that waist...and those long basket ball arms.

I'll skip on your long butt-crack though, thank you very much.