Monday, September 24, 2007


My friend Sara often braggs of her biking mountaining abilities as she climbs the great heights of the EAGLE RIDGE. I can't tell you how many times i have passed bikers on that road while rambling thoughts such as the following filled my mind,
Idiot...why do you wonder you have thunder thighs...and...everyone is laughing at you....get a life.

SO I was feeling particularly lonely this last while and in the need of a buddy. I can't tell you how many times I asked people to run with me...only to be turned down with a " you will kick my butt... I can't run that fast" response.
But somehow amoungst my lacking ability to find a friend to exercise with, I sunk below all that was beneath me when I found myself at the bottom of the Eagleridge mountain with nothing but a bike and a dream to get my fat butt back up the mountain side.

Now that I look back, it wasn't just the lonely that drug me in, but it was Sara's knieving ability to question my ego. She would talk about how good it felt to be at the top and the great sense of accomplishment that came....and I started to wonder if I could actually do it. My ego was pricked so I just had to kick. So there I was at the bottom of the hill....looking up and feeling like an idiot...but then my ego...aka a burst of testosterone burst through my viens..straight to my arteries..into my legs and I was off...or up rather.....up to my waist in crap that I dug for myself to wallow through. (please note the altitude of the mountain in the background).

Now it didn't seem too bad at first but when I was struggling for air like a earthen fish starves for water I realized just how much this was going to kill me. I was either going to die right there on th mountian side or die trying. I even thought about running myself into a car to put myself out of my own misery but the speed limit was 30 and i knew that the blow from a car would only leave me on a permenate wheel basis...sucking breath through a hole in my neck. So by process of elimination I continued up that beast of burden hill with Sara trecking the entire thing with a smile so sick I could gagg the entire way.

When I finally got to the top.. I must say I was much surprised....that i had made it without any suicide attempts. I decided to take a break in the grass and catch some depleated oxygen for my starving cells. I was sure by now that I was near levels of brain damage due to oxygen starvation.....that was when I started to realize just why Sara is what we call "different" from the rest....three times weekly oxygen depletion explained it all.

Just when I thought I could understand why Sara's mind was so janked...she said, "Hay, do you wanna go up the the top of Brauers?" Once again, she had pricked me ego and due to the lack of oxygen in the system i quickly said, "Sure."
So long story short.....4 miles of straight up hill and 2,000 atmospheres of barametric pressure lost along the way we climbed to the top of the blasted hill or should I say we climbed the the top of the blasted hell.

I don't know what the heck I was thinking...but surely I didn't learn my lesson this time...all it takes is another momment of my ego being questioned and I will be well on my way to ice picking up some iceberg in the middle of the ocean somewhere...and until the day my ego gets the best of me and the escapade kills me ...I may never learn my lesson.

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