Mud Poo Plow Ride

It all started with a phone call from Camille. She was babysitting a bunch o kids with a small pasture in the back, a 4 wheeler, a rope and a sled...she said I just had to try to. I of course grabbed my trusty companion Chewy and we were there in now time flat. Sounded like heaven to me!!

SO here is a much apprecited photo of the group of us.



I know the pictures are hard to see, but I am not about to go buy a scanner to please my few blogg readers. I am on the left...wrapped in a trash bag with bare feet exposed. Few things feel better between the toes then mud or in this case...horse and goat dung!!

Everyone was wearing a mask and i thought that was dumb....until my first ride...when I was having so much fun I could't help but grin with glee. But the rope was short and I pretty much swallowed everything the 4 wheeler slipped in...aka horse and goat dung. NOW THAT IS AN INTERESTING texture of GRIT to have in your teeth. I will never forget trying remove from my front teeth that thick gritty grassy dung that was stuck to my front teeth like plaster!! After that ride I decided the mask was a good idea!

Up to the right is Camel...we all hate her because she broke the sled and ruined it for the rest of us!

White Trash Carolin

Ah, I remember it like it was yesturday, I was laying on the coach at Christmas time this year, going on hour 20 of pointless yet oh so fulfilling sarcassm and joking with the sisters. That was when we got a knock on the door and the sound of singing b4 we could answer. There at our door sang a family of carolers that sounded as good as the Osmans themselves. We sat there listening with an ackward stance wondering when it would end and if we could clapp early to end the ackward momment. As they left we couldn't help but laugh at the thought of our contorted family doing such a lovey, feely, oozing with love sort of thing. We joked about our off tune voices, or inability to be serious and how aweful it would be to try and follow the perfect performance to the family that had just caroled at our door... and then one thing lead to another and within a half hour we were out with a performance we called "WHITE TRASH CAROLING." see the picture below.



WHITE TRASH CAROLING CONSISTS OF
1. Intro note by BOBO with her flute shaped duck that is played by blowing into it's butt
2. A group singing JINGLE BELLS accompanied by me playing the recorder with my nose( and yes, embarassingly enough I did blow a bubble with my other nostril at the first house becuase I was suffering from allergy season)
3. Mom buzzing the buzzer from TABOO every time we sang the words "Jingle Bells"
4. Tasha clashing two pot tops together like symbols after Jingle Bells lyrics were sung
5. Bree hiding along the side of the house and leaping out across the background each time jingle bells was sung with a bumble bee hat atop her head and a sheer flowing too too around her waist that swept the air as she leaped across the porch.

THE LOOKS and the laughter on peoples faces were absolutely priceless. It was a a caroling they are bound to Never forget. So I bring to the blog o RONNIE wonderful family tradition of WHITE TRASH CAROLING, invented by yours truely!!

Surpise in the Envelope!!

It is one of those things...If you ask Bree I started it and if you ask Bree sHe started it...but somewhere amoung the mission parting that was set between us there arose a "surprise in the envelope." As I remember it I had acutally obtained my first foot callus...(from all me hard tracting) and the day I peeled it off I felt it necessary to proove my hard work to my family and so enclosed in the envelope it was shipped to WA.
Of course when BRee saw it she thought it was weak sauce so she felt it necessary to send me a larger callus. A callus so big I am surprised it fit in the envelope! It was quite an eventful momment to be taken on my own joke and to be on the other end of the surprise containing envelope....so here is it....the classic "Brees Callus Scrapbook Page."



Please note, this is the Acutal callus sent to me by Bree. I saved it because it was such a classic. I saved it my entire mission through transfers and all.....now here it is nearly 5 years later...neatly pressed in my Scrapbook page. Man that girl makes me proud!

Seran Wrap Wrestle

So we saw this on Americas funniest home videos one day and I was determined to try it. It is easy...all you do is get a roll o seran wrap and tightly wrap yourself in it..hands and all..light a straight jacket it is. Then when both opponents have been tightly sealed...they fight...first to fall..looses. The funniest part is the fact that once you are knocked over and fall...there is not breaking the fall because your hands are tied in!! All you can do it hope that you don't fall face first...cuz that can really hurt. I thought that was so hilarious. So here we are...in our wrestling jerseys you could say....



Unfortnatly this didn't last long because once you are knocked over..you literally can't get back up because there is not bending at the hips, no arms to help boost...you can't even roll over...as I found out. And it was about this time that I realized this thing and felt the weight of BoBo ontop of me that I FREAKED!!! I had a major clastrophobic episode suddenly I was breathing quite panickd like I had been buried alive. I started begging my MOm to get the scissor and let me loose. Chewy and Bo Bo of course we laughing their heads off..but I was pretty much convinced I was about to die. I started screaming like a Mommmas girl..it definelty wasn't one of my finer momments. Inbetweem my Mom nearly wetting her pants out of laughter...she was able to get the scissor and release me from my buried alive experience...I wanted to wet the ground with my tears of grattitude. I would have given both my kindneys and subjected myself to permenant dialysis for the rest of my life if it came down to it.
The good news is that Chewy was fine as day in her cacoon o seran wrap. So we decided to finish off our plan and we carried her outside and then took her to the top of our grass hill. We figured since she was all bound up she would roll down the hill like a bullet..but instead..with her hands at her side..she took on a more rectangle figure and tumbled down the hill in a rolling brick fashion and bruised up her arms real good. Nevertheless, it was an entertaining experience to watch..but if you happen to be a claustrophobic like myself...I don't recommend it any more then I would recommend being buried alive!!

Family Classics

These are a few family classics of Chewy and BoBo as kids fallin asleep in the most random places. Here is Tash falling asleep upsidedown in the recliner...feet where the butt should go and her head where her feet should be hanging.


Then there is Bree here...she just fell alseep top 2 bar stools....not exactly a safe place..and chances are pretty good that after we took the picture we left her there to keep sleeping.

Pumpkin HEads as we call it

SO I hope the picture turns out...but one year after playing a fierce game of rotten tomatoe baseball in the garden I somehow convinced my sisters that we should put the pumpkins on our heads...so we did. See the picture below...it is quite impressive..







Please note that this is dangerous and should not be tried at home....my little sister nearly snapped her neck when she let got of her pumpkin and it started to tip back on her. ONly experienced pumpkin personal should do this trick, and there are only a few of us in the world...like a freak circus act we are.

DOn't forget the pumpkin

Here is my pumpkin carve this year....someone thought it was a monkey...I was insulted..

THE YEAR OF THE GRINCH TREE!!

It was college time and the season of Christmas was much needed in the apartment. Stress was in the air as finals came around and we approached month 4 of an un named roomate who thought herself above cleaning her dishes.
Somehow, in the small town of Rexburg we heard of a Christmas tree cutting that was availble for a college affordabel price.
So off the the mountains we went with our FHE brothers each ready to cut a tree for our apartments. Our un-named too good for washing dishes room mate was not a fan of the idea and so I wanted to be sure to make this tree especially upsetting to her. I wanted a Grinch Tree I decided...one too tall for the ceiling. One that had to fold at the top because it is too tall for the room!! I just knew that would upset her and I woudl NOT settle for anything less! So we set to work looking for a tree. Our FHE brothers in theri truck...me in my 88 civic up in the moutains. I am betting you can guess which one of us got stuck!



That was when we spotted it!!! The perfect Grinch tree. We brought it home and decorated it according to our budget...and she HATED it!! Now we could finally annoy her as much as she annoyed us!! IT was the best Christmas ever!! SEe picture above.
Roach and I decorated it with the following decorations
> Bomber Bob with Parachute as the tree topper
> Walmart baggs rolled in balls for ornaments
> Old Fashioned hand strung popcorn strings
> Classic car track around the bottom

BeWarE of the posers

I just wanted to personally complain about one of the ladies of who's house I attended the night of the trick or treat.
There was a lady who wasn't even that old and she was handing out OLD LADY CANDY!!! Who did she think she was? She ahd NO right to hand out that nasty crap. (See picture for description o crappy candy)


She was well previous to her insanity claiming age. Everyone knows only the old senial posing senior citizens are entitled to that!!! Making it to that age has it's priveledges, one of them being the right to hand out cheap nasty hard candy. How dare a younger woman try to takd ethat priveledge at an earlier age!! She didn't even have a speck of salt or pepper in her hair!!
Anyhow, as I opened my vunerable trick or treat bag to her welcoming smile I was greatly decieved as she reached into her bag of poo candy and dumped a big handful in my bag!!!The whole time she smiled like she was doing something kind or nice! Like she was being generous or something.
Well I was no idiot...it only takes one taste of the crappy stuff to have the memmories permanently tattooed in your brain like an abusive relationship. I remember the time I unwrapped the bright red attractive wrapper with glee...only to be disgusted with the lack of texture, lack of chocolate and lack of pleasure that came from the so called candy. That wrapper haunts my mind like a bad beating from my parent. One taste of that bitty candy and you never make that mistake again.
This lady was taking me for an idiot!! LIttle did she know..underneath the beareded wig was a lifelearned 26 year old who could not be tricked. I knew that crap sells for the penny a pound.
THAT WAS WHEN SHE REACHED FOR HANDFUL NUMBER TWO!!! I knew I had to act fast..I couldn't have that crap candy weighing down these trick or treat legs. I had to ,keep my agility and speed if I was going to go for the ten pound mark!! Those very ounces of tastless candy could be the very thing that kept me for reaching that last door before the light turned off!! Oh,NO. I was not going to have ANY of that. I was no youngster at her doorstep, I was a 26 year old trick or treater...I mean business when it comes to the trick or treat!!!
Quick to my senses I turned and ran away from her before she could dump the crummy candy in my well earned bag! I was insulted...I was disgusted!! How could she? I would have been the same amount of insulted if she had dropped dung in my bag!!
SO let me just warn you all...if you think you are getting off easy by buying that cheap candy you are kidding nobody but yourself! If you don't have something chocolate covered in your bowl and you are under the age of 60 do the world a favor and just turn off your lights and don't answer the door on the night of the trick or treat.

The trick o treat

So once again my lame friends were expectedly lame and nobody wanted to go trick o treating with me. But determine ox that I am, I went anyways...by myself...you might think that is lame...but to me lame is sitting at home like the boring ol adult you are uncostumized on Halloween night.
This year I dressed up as Merlin. My aunt Lynnae had this great costume that I just couldn't bear to see go to waste another year. So I strapped on the ol wizard,cloak, beard, mustache, hat and all.



IT was great...right up until I tried to fit in the little Blue L.S.S Civie and realized my hat was too tall to get in. I would have poked my hat through the sun roof but I had just sealed it shut for the winter....so I had to resort to hangin my head out the window the entire time since my hat wouldn't fit in the car....I am sure it was quite the site. Me hanging my head out the car while driving.



And to all you genious folk out there I would like to mention that i couldn't just take my hat off cuz it was attached to my mustache and 12 foot beard. But all the time of driving with a kinked neck made me really quite jealous of all the kids who had parents to drive them around.I offered to let my so called friend Sara be my designated driver but she declined.
Another tragedy of the night was my sock problem. Although before leaving home I strategically changed socks to prevent them from falling I ended up putting on another pair of socks that fell down anyways. After stopping to pull them up twice I couldn't take the setback any more and I let the socks win and kept the sock all-a-bundle in the arches of my feet the whole night.


Another near destroying momment was when I had just rang the doorbell and my cell phone went off.....of which I put in my pillowcase...surrounded in ample amounts of candy. If they heard my cell phone go off it would blow my cover for sure!! So I hurriedly found it only to see it was Tara and to hang up on her. Just then they answered the door...it was a close call indeed...no pun intended.

I also recommend bringing friend (which is alot harder then it sounds). Cuz they can help ya remember where you have already been. Cuz I accidently double backed on a house this year...it was rather embarrassing when they answered the door. But it is hard to concentrate on details when you are running around in a real candy land. I was a kid again.... candy was all that matter. Cars and headlights couldn't stop me...tonight I was invinsible again!!

I also talked to some of the kids on the streets (the trick o treat streets). As the night grew old the ol' baggs started turning off their lights at like 8 and 9!!! I knew I didn't have time to waste so I asked the kids if I should skip any houses. They were kid enough to warn me of rip off houses and they told me of a house that was giving out not 1 but 2 KIng size candy bars!!! Time was running short aso I booked it straight up the hill to the house till I found the most ultimate supreme house o candy. They opened their door and treated me as their own child as they showed me a plethera coated table of king size candy bars to choose from. The momment was sweet my friends...even poetic!


Although I made off like a bandent that night I would just like to give a shout out to my two best partners in trick o treat crime. The ones who were with me through the rains of Washington in trick or treat pasts. Some of my best trick or treat momments were with BOBO and Chewy. Together we made trick or treat history for years on end, bringing in an average of ten pounds of candy each. The momments were mommentious and divine. Our plan was master. And I couldn't have done it with out them. Cheers to the wonderful nights of the trick or treat and the beautiful sugar commas that follow.

Heres an old pic to remember the times... Chewy took on the tradition of Micheal Jackson....Bo Bo was a baby....Camel was a elephant...and I was SuperPig.

HALLOWEEN, GOTTA LOVE IT!!

sO I LOVE HALLOWEEN, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A FAN OF DRESSING UP AND BEING SOMETHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY. UNLIKE MOST GIRLS HOWEVER, I DO NOT USE IT AS A PATHETIC EXCUSE TO DRESS LIKE A SKANK JUST TO GET SOME LOOSER GUYS ATTENTION. WHERE IS THE FUN IN THAT? i ENJOY HALLOWEEN FOR THE PURE ASPECT OF CHILDHOOD REVIVAL. SO THIS YEAR WAS ONE OF MY FINEST YEARS...I CAME UP WITH THIS ONE ON MY OWN...HERE i AM AS MEDUSA!!!!



i HAVE A GOAL, EVERY YEAR I MUST BE SOMETHING ORIGINAL AND I HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFUL MOST YEARS. BUT HERE IS A LIST OF SOME OF HALLOWEENS PAST




MICHEAL JACKSON
SUPER PIG (DON'T DISS IT , IS WAS AWESOME)
PREGNANT NUN
TINA TURNER (CUZ YOU KNOW I GOT THE FRO..AND THE LEGS)
MEDUSA
KING HENRY THE 8TH AND HIS BEHEADED WIFE
THATS WHAT I CAN THINK OF NOW....BUT DON'T GO STEALING MY IDEAS....EXCERSIZE SOME CREATIVITY AND GET YOUR OWN!!

THe LUGNUT solution

Recently talking to a friend about his swearing problem and possible resolutions.
I told him it was simple....and that I had a sure sure solution. THe solution is...
TAKE A LUGNUT OFF YOUR CAR WHEEL EVERY TIME YOU SWEAR!!!
IT is that simple..every time you swear you just take one lug nut off your wheel and you are SURE To remember not to do it again...and if you do...that is one lug nut less and one more thought about your life being on the line. As the lug nuts slim down and the car gets a little shakey on the freeway you will suddenly realize that your swearing is a life or death situation. Suddenly you will be taking your swearing much more seriously and the habit is bound to cease. As a matter of fact...I am willing to bet that after a week of this your swearing habit will be gone. IT really is a simple resolution and it costs nothing. Sheer genius...as I like to call it.
SO you ask? HOw did I come up with this idea? I don't know...but I plan on using this plan on my sons....if they swear..that is one screw taken off the old bike..and if the swearing continues... and there are no screws left on the bike..then I take them off his younger sisters bike!! That will teach him just how much his swearing hurts others too!!

Just Because

No story with this one, just the some of the pictures we posed for at my sisters wedding. I just had to post it because my 3 favorite people are in it...Chewy, BoBo and ME!

THE PBR!!!

Can I just put a little shout out for hte PBR!! I first got hooked on it with my good ol cowboy Dwayne from the mission. He was my redemption. He was the only person who knew just how life sucking it was to be with my bitty companion and so he would often take me aside to help him with projects. We would be on the roof fixing something or off in the barn shop fixing another something..all this time knowing together that these momments away from my bitty companion were the only momments of sanity I would get for a week or two. Often when we arrived I would find Dwane parked in front of the TV watching BULL RIDING. It was about this time that I became quite interested in the sport and Dwayne would explain to me how the bull riders where scored and judged. It was absolutely fascinating to me. I could watch it all day if I ever had the cable to do it.
So of course when I heard that the PBR (Professional Bull Riders) were coming to town I just had to get tickets.(although it was against my better judgement since it was sponserd by FORd...a proud sponser I do not endorse). ANyhow I went with my aunt and it was pretty much the most fantastic thing ever. I was in Cowboy heaven. Lucky for me we brought binoculars and my aunt Lynnae would point out to me the cowboys who were not wearing wedding rings...then my mind would wander to fairtale lands for momments at a time till another cowboy came to send me into another daze.
I am not sure where I am going with this other then the fact that I wanted to brag that i went to the PBR classic and it was freaking awesome!!! I had the time of my life and I just wanted to point out to the rest of you that you really missed out and you are idiots for not going. Where else does man take on an object that outweighs him by thousands of pounds and then attempt to ride it while aggrivating it to the upmost degree? Now if that isn't death defying and excilerating..I don't know what is. It beats all sports by far and puts a concussioned football player to shame! Then ontop of the back lashing beating add balancing yourself atop a bucking livestock with one arm in the air and suddenly the tight rope walker is a thing of the past. Then atop that you add the factor that a untamed beast from the wild is your opponent. That just adds shakes down the spine. No boys, you can't get out your play book for this one -the beast is unpredictable.... you can't pass the ball to your team mate- you don't have a team mate, its just you....you can't call a time out-there is not such thing as a time out one the clock starts...and when the buzzer does go off the game is not over- you have to try to get away before the beast crushes in your skull!! This sport is by far the most intense sport ever and like i said, it puts all other to shame. THE PBR is where is it at...and I was there!!

BIKER BUTT AFTERMATH

I MUST ADMIT THAT I WAS PLESANTLY SURPRISED THAT MY MUSCLES WERE NOT SOAR THE NEXT DAY AFTER BIKING THE HELL SIDE. nOT THAT i AM A WUSS, JUST THAT FACT THAT I HAVE A LOT OF MUSCLES...SO THAT WOULD MAKE ME SOAR BEYOND THAT AVERAGE PERSONS SOAR.

tHE SURPRISE CAME AS A LOCALIZED TENDERNESS IN MY BUTTOCKS. AND NOT JUST ONE...BUT BOTH. i WONDERED JUST HOW BIKERS DID IT....HOW DID THEY STAND TO BEAR ALL THEIR WEIGHT ON THOSE TENDER SLICES OF BUNS.

i CAME TO ONLY ONE CONCLUSION...BIKERS MUST HAVE CALLUSED BUNS. tHERE IS ONLY ONE EXPLANATION..THEY SIMPLY MUST BE USED TO IT, BECUASE THEY HAVE WORKED UP A THICK LEATHERY JERKY O BUTT TO RIDE UPON. lITTLE DOES THE WORLD KNOW THAT BENEATH THE TIGHT SPANDEX LAYS AN UNSIGHTLY BREW OF LEATHER LAIDEN SKIN JUST YEARNING FOR EXFOLIATION. eXFOLIATION NEEDS SO THICK NOT EVEN A CHISEL COULD BREAK THROUGH.

IT WAS ABOUT THAT TIME THAT I STARTED TO REALIZE JUST HOW MUCH THE BIKER WORLD IS HIDING..THEY SEEM HIP AND COOL AND PERFECT BODIED...BUT REALLY..THEY ARE HIDING THE TRUTH OF IT ALL. THE PRICE THEY PAY FOR THOSE GREAT THIGHS IS HARDLY WORTH THE DEVISTATION THAT LIES BENEATH. aND DO YOU KNOW WHAT...IF THEY HAVE CALLUSED BUTT...I BET THERE IS A LARGE POPULATION OF BIKER BUTT BUNYONS OUT THERE TOO!

IF AN EGO COULD KILL

My friend Sara often braggs of her biking mountaining abilities as she climbs the great heights of the EAGLE RIDGE. I can't tell you how many times i have passed bikers on that road while rambling thoughts such as the following filled my mind,
Idiot...why do you bother....no wonder you have thunder thighs...and...everyone is laughing at you....get a life.

SO I was feeling particularly lonely this last while and in the need of a buddy. I can't tell you how many times I asked people to run with me...only to be turned down with a " you will kick my butt... I can't run that fast" response.
But somehow amoungst my lacking ability to find a friend to exercise with, I sunk below all that was beneath me when I found myself at the bottom of the Eagleridge mountain with nothing but a bike and a dream to get my fat butt back up the mountain side.



Now that I look back, it wasn't just the lonely that drug me in, but it was Sara's knieving ability to question my ego. She would talk about how good it felt to be at the top and the great sense of accomplishment that came....and I started to wonder if I could actually do it. My ego was pricked so I just had to kick. So there I was at the bottom of the hill....looking up and feeling like an idiot...but then my ego...aka a burst of testosterone burst through my viens..straight to my arteries..into my legs and I was off...or up rather.....up to my waist in crap that I dug for myself to wallow through. (please note the altitude of the mountain in the background).



Now it didn't seem too bad at first but when I was struggling for air like a earthen fish starves for water I realized just how much this was going to kill me. I was either going to die right there on th mountian side or die trying. I even thought about running myself into a car to put myself out of my own misery but the speed limit was 30 and i knew that the blow from a car would only leave me on a permenate wheel basis...sucking breath through a hole in my neck. So by process of elimination I continued up that beast of burden hill with Sara trecking the entire thing with a smile so sick I could gagg the entire way.

When I finally got to the top.. I must say I was much surprised....that i had made it without any suicide attempts. I decided to take a break in the grass and catch some depleated oxygen for my starving cells. I was sure by now that I was near levels of brain damage due to oxygen starvation.....that was when I started to realize just why Sara is what we call "different" from the rest....three times weekly oxygen depletion explained it all.


Just when I thought I could understand why Sara's mind was so janked...she said, "Hay, do you wanna go up the the top of Brauers?" Once again, she had pricked me ego and due to the lack of oxygen in the system i quickly said, "Sure."
So long story short.....4 miles of straight up hill and 2,000 atmospheres of barametric pressure lost along the way we climbed to the top of the blasted hill or should I say we climbed the the top of the blasted hell.

I don't know what the heck I was thinking...but surely I didn't learn my lesson this time...all it takes is another momment of my ego being questioned and I will be well on my way to ice picking up some iceberg in the middle of the ocean somewhere...and until the day my ego gets the best of me and the escapade kills me ...I may never learn my lesson.

RONNies Deal o the Year!

So I just happened to be waiting for night shift to come to work so i could give report and get the hay out of there when I decided I might as well burn time on the internet. Long story short I found an add for a Table AND chairs for sale for FIFTEEN BUCKS!!! I immediately jumped at the chance. Lucky for me my good buddy Jared was willing to bumm my rear out to clearfield that night so I had a truck to pick them up in. So I have the before and after pictures....




Here is me with my cowboy gear to keep from getting dust in my all important respiratory tract while I sanded them down



Here is the picture of them after I got a hold of them with some paint!! What a killer deal for fifteen bucks if I might say so myself!!!

THE NEED FOR SPEED

NOT MUCH TO SAY HERE, OTHER THEN THE FACT THAT 3 OUT OF 5 DAUGHTERS OF THE MCDONALD FAMILY NOW HAVE SCARS ON SOME PLACE ON THEIR BODY DUE TO THE ALPINE SLED BURNING THE VERY FLESH FROM THEIR BONES. YES OUR NEED FOR SPEED HAS ONCE AGAIN GOTTEN THE BEST OF US AS OUR INTEGUMENTARY SYSTEM SUFFERS THE EFFECTS, FOREVER SCARRED...BUT WELL WORTH THE JOYRIDE.



SO THIS IS ME, POST FLESH BURN. AUGUST 2007. I EASE DROPPED INTO A CONVERSATION ABOUT HOW TO MAKE YOUR SLED GO FASTER AND I TRIED IT...AND BOY DID I FLY...OFF MY SLED.




SO THIS ON IS CHEWY, POST FLESH WOUND. AUGUST 2007. ALSO TRYING TO INCREASE HER SPEED WHEN HER SPEED GOT THE BEST OF HER. UNFORTUNATE FOR HER, SHE DIDN'T RETURN TO HER SLED QUICK ENOUGH AND AFTER RECIEVING HER LEG BURN. THAT WAS WHEN I CAME RAMMING INTO HER WITH MY SLED. I SAW HER FEET FLY UP OVER HER HEAD..THAT WAS WHEN I NOTICED SHE ONLY HAD ONE SHOE ON. THAT WAS WHEN SHE TOLD ME SHE HAD FALLEN OFF AND WAS TRYING TO PUT HER SHOE BACK ONE WHEN I CAME UP BEHIND HER AND RAMMED HER WITH MY SLED. SHE SHOULD HAVE PUT HER SHOE ON LATER. BUT SEEING HER RIGHT IN VIEW AND WITHIN MY TARGET I COULDN'T LET THE OPPORTUNITY PASS. POOR LITTLE KID GOT RAMMED BY ME. MUST HAVE HERT, IT IS ONE THING TO GET RAMMED BY A BRICK BUT ANTOHER TO BE RAMMED BY YOUR OLDER BUCK AND A HALF POULND SISTER AT VELOCITAL SPEEDS. I THINK SHE LEARNED HER LESSON.

Clever to the bone!

It was just a few weeks ago that I was visiting the old home in WASHINGTON. Chewy had been in ARIZONA and had missed her flight and so she was coming in on a later one. Bo BO and I discussed what an idiot Chewy was for missing her flight and somehow in the conversation talked about having a welcome home sign for her....and then one thing leads to another and before you know it I have crayola marker all over my hands and a big grin on my face about the embarrasment I am about to embark upon my little sister Chewy....once again...and here is what we came up with.




Now I know what you are thinking...that is so rude....and that is exactly why we did it. You wouldn't believe the looks of disguist and insult people gave us at the airport as we paraded that sign around and hovered over Chewy everywhere her little raisen-leg carried her.

OF ALL THE INSULTS!!

SO, before you read this blog, you should read the one below it first...but anyhow I have recently come to glimpse with the fact that SARA is no the only one who views me as a pyscho freaked AMAZON WOMAN....
I WAS WALKING DOWN THE HALL AT CHURCH LAST WEEK WHEN AFTER TALKING TO ONE OF THE BISHOPS COUNSELORS AND A FEW OTHER GUYS WHO WERE THERE. AS i WAS WALKING OFF i HEAR A FAMILIAR VOICE (bROTHER hALE, BISHOPS COUNSELOR) SAY TO THE OTHER PEOPLE THERE, "nOW THERE GOES 12 FOOT OF WOMAN." i WAS GOING TO STOP TO LOOK BACK AND SHE WHO THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT...BUT THEN i REALIZED THAT THAT 12 FOOT OF WOMAN WAS me!!! nOW BROTHER HALE HAD NO IDEA I HEARD HIM, BUT i SURE DID AND I KNOW HE WAS TALKING ABOUT ME...i KNOW THERE WAS NO ON ELSE IN THAT HALL. aND FROM SOMEWHERE CAME THE FAINT MOCKING VOICE THAT SOUNDED LIKE SARA THAT WAS AUDIBLE TO ONLY ME AND IT SAID IN A MOCKING TONE, "i TOLD YOU YOU WERE AN AMAZON WOMAN."

so I guess I am just coming to glimpse with my amazonianess. I am realizing that I people have always seen it in me no matter how curly my hair is, no matter how much pink i wear, no matter if i wear lipstick. Sara, Brother Hale and then there was Megan who I was friends with 2 years ago...she called me RONZILLA." I am starting to see me through other peoples eyes and it is not an attractive thing. Excuse me while i go kill a few villages in my frustration.

AMAZON WOMAN???

So I HAD a friend named Sara who just says whatever the heck she wants to and unlike most people who take back and try to cover the stupid mean things they say...SARA continues to justify what she says. Willfully and cheerfully digging her own pit, you might say.
So it was a few weeks ago that I was sitting next to Sara in churh when she looks at me and says, "Do you know what you remind me of.....an AMAZON WOMAN." I just gasped. Now I have never been called an AMAZON WOMAN before and I had never even as much as heard of one. But I pictured one in my mind. And what I pictured was a uni-browed beast of woman running through the jungles chewing on a monkey carcass. I was utterly insulted!!
Of course Sara, clueless that she is continues...."No it is a good thing. Amazon women are big and strong." Now I am picturing the same beast of woman in the jungle chewing on a lions carcass all while beating off an anaconda with ease. So for the next few minutes we continued to argue back and forth about images dipicted in ones mind as the word AMAZON WOMAN is said. Me seeing it a something terrible and aweful and she seeing it as a perfectly sound and complimentary statement. Again, this is Sara, the only girl who would continue to insult someone and dig pits for herself rather then try and back out and appologize. Again I remind you, this is Sara, there are no appologies from Sara, just continued insults as she tries to justify calling you an oversized, thunder thighed freak of nature!!!
So after arguments going no where, and her not convincing me that being called an AMAZON WOMAN was a good thing, we decided that we must look to the internet.
Here is what we found...

AMAZON WOMAN :

Amazon women were basically women warriors who fought alongside the men...then it also said this.....
The Greek variant of the name was connected by popular etymology to a- (privative) + mazos, "without breast", connected with an aetiological tradition that Amazons had their right breast cut off or burnt out, so they would be able to use a bow more freely and throw spears without the physical limitation and obstruction!!!!
Now as Sara read this discription to me over the phone I couldn't help but bust my gutt in laughter. How could she possibly constrew this into a "good thing" or as she calls it. But she continues to stand by her so called "compliment" despite the evidence that has unfolded. And despite the evidence she continues to call me AMAZON WOMAN and I just roll my eyes at her abilties to put 2 and 2 together.

But I have to admitt, she was a little right...while I would never consider cutting off my breast to shoot a bow and arrow better....if it ment I could drive faster or give my engine more torque...I would consider the option. THe END

I think I am a genius!!!

So can I just say that I had been realizing that when I move out... I have nearly nothing to my name...no bed, no mattress, no bed frame etc etc. So I started to price things, trying to find the best deals. And of course girl that I am I started with head boards for my bed. As I started welcoming them into my shopping agendas I realized that this was quite a pricey item!!! Head boards cost a few hundred dollars and liquidation prices are still a hundred or so. I found this absolutely RIDICULOUS!!! It is just a few pieces of wood slapped together after all. So I decided that I was just going to have to make my own becuase the prices were outlandish.
It wasn't a few days later that I was out taking a run near the mountain tops that I ran past a most rustic looking piece of wood. It captured my eye and I immediately fell in love. It was all weathered and barn like...just the type I like. I continued my run but couldn't stop thinking about that beautiful piece of wood that I had encountered that day.
So it was just a few days later that I talked my friend Christine into driving to the top of the mountain to retrieve the piece of wood with me. I knew that it would need some balancing help since I was to be hauling it in my little 88 Honda.
It wasn't until I got a hold of the wood and started pulling it out of the field that I realized just how long this wood was and needless to say, it exceeded my car length ten fold!! But I was determined (nothing new...I am always determined). So I stuffed the wood in my car perpindicular and drove down the road. It was hard getting it home because it crossed well into the other lane of traffic on one side so I would try to compensate by driving closer to my white line...only to be followed by a shout from Christine that I was about to take out a tree on the sidewalk!! The entire ride home envolved a laughing passenger and a drunk looking civic with 8 foot wings of wood coming out each side of the beastly ugly thing. All the while swirving to dodge a car and then swirving back to avoid trees and sidewalk pedestrians. This was a honker peice of wood. It wasn't until I got it home that measured it to be 16 feet long!!
Needless to say, I got the beauty home and made my just as cute as can be head board and I sure didn't spend no hundred dollars!!! I only spent $4.99 for the brackets and eveything else was free...that is why I think I am genius!! THe ENd

ONE OF MY FAVORITES

SO I FIRST HEARD THIS QUOTE FROM PRES HINCKELY AND LOVED, LOVED, LOVED, IT....AND TO GIVE CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE..IT IS ACTUALLY FROM JENKINS LLOYD JONES IN A DESERET NEWS COLUMN......HERE IT GOES......

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed.
Most putts don't drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull then otherwise.
Life is like an old time rail journey-delays, sidetracks, smoke dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occassionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.
The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

The BALDING EYEBROW

If you have ever seen Sesame Streets "Bert and Ernie" you'd understand just how terrible Tasha's eyebrows were getting. They made Berts eyebrows look like a hairline fracture!!! SO I decided to do the kid a favor and set to work on Tasha's eyebrows. They were so burley that I needed to trim them first before I could just pluck them. OH my goodness...what a task!! It was like clearing the JUNGLE and so of course nobody clears a jungle by plucking one vegetation at a time! They mow the place down first, or clear a path with a machette!! I had to do likewise before the fine tune plucking could begin. Well, amoungst the clearing I accidently got a little carried away and I got a bit too close to one spot and cleared a bald spot right into her eyebrow!!
Somehow, amoungst my laughing I was able to get a broken applogy in. Tasha got a glimpse in the mirror, a glare at me and then ran up to her room VERY upset. SHe didn't talk to me for quite a while.
The next day she colored her eyebrow in with a pencil but unbeknownst to her, she sweat it off in PE class! Her friend Chelsea was the first to notice and asked her what had happend. Of course Tasha being the quick lying schemer that she is replied, "oh I hit my head and got a cut there." I don't know why she lied, I think my story was much more exciting!

A RECIPE FOR DISASTER !!

Tasha was recently telling me about her recent mission to teach Bree to drive. Apparently one car needed moved and so Tasha told Bree to do it.....not because Bree was capable of doing it, but because Bree was incapable of doing it....and because a jolt of unknown occurances bolt through ones body when you are the innocent passenger to Brees lacking abilities. It is a rush you never forget and quite frankily, Tasha thrives off it. It is what you do in a small town. And I admitt, when I took Bree for her first drive, I made her swirve inbetween the islands of trees in the church parking lot...not because she was capable....but because I knew she was incapable of that level of driving. It was quite entertaining.
So back to the story... Tasha told Bree to pull the camery out of the driveway so she could perform the never ending task of cleaning pineneedles off the driveway. Bree of course was nervous...which always makes for a fun ride. Bree got it the car and started it up while Tasha insturcted her from the side of her window. Bree said to Tasha..."It won't start." So Tasha told her to put her foot on the brake....that is when the car rose up like it was on a circus full of hydrolics and a loud and sustaining "VROOOM" filled the air. Tasha said the RPMs shot up to 5 and Bree freaked out and yelled over the 6 cylinder vroom, "WHOOOA What do I do?" Tasha had to tell the amature to take her foot OFF the gas (apparently a new concept to Bree). The worst part of the story is not so much that Bree didn't know the gas from the brake, but the fact that Tasha was teaching a fifteen year old Bree to drive....and Tasha has only had her license for 3 months....NOT a good combonation. If only my parents knew what their kids were up to, they could prevent thousands of their dollars from being wisked away in the form of wrecked cars and medical bills.

A BO BO CLASSIC

BO BO has always been the bratty type. She really was born that way becuase even as a child she was a sassy hellion. While most elementary school kids run home to show Mom their greatest art creation, Tasha was running home one evening to share something else even more exciting with my Mom. As she came running up the hill from where the school bus dropped her off, she burst in the door and told her story of glee.....it went something like this....

" HA HA, TEACHERS PET GOT HIT BY A BUS....TWELVE STITCHES "

For the RECORD

Just for the record, the picture on the post below didn't work.....althought I spent nearly 3 entire hours trying to figure it out....it didn't work. Yet somehow I got the sunset picture on there....but I have no idea how!! SO if you click on the blank box below it will take you to my picture....and since I spent three hours getting that done it is only courtesy that you click on it to see the picture. love your computerally idiotly incompetant appendage, RONNIE

What kind of M&M is this?

Bree has a problem….a rather embarrassing problem with her feet. Not only do they smell and have had a tendancy to grow fungus that can cut through a sock in matter of hours…..but they callus. They callus HUGE calluses. Calluses as big as a silver dollar and as thick as Texas toast.
So you ask…why the M&M picture? Well I was in church one day eating away at pieces of M&M when I came across a very noticeable intruder! What I felt inbetween my fingers , was not of the familiar smooth candy coated texture. It was a very different texture….it was rough, not smooth, hard like rock and shaped like a moon. Noticing a considerable difference in this odd shaped M&M I looked down in my hand to find that I was not about to eat an M&M…..but a piece of BREES CALLUS!!! Yes Ladies and gentlemen it was quite the element of surprise. I was so shocked that I took a second look wondering how this could be…but then I realized that I had borrowed Bree’s handbag for church and that this very much indeed was a piece of hardened flesh from the bottom of the most loathing feet God had created. I choked on my chocolately spit at the thought of what I almost ingested into my system and I nearly heaved over in disgust…but that quickly turned to humor at the uncanniness of it all.
So word from the wise….. Next time you are eating M&Ms and you think you just got an odd shaped one, take the time to carefully examine the possibilities.

Idaho Sunset

Nothing to say here I am just trying to learn how to download a picture onto my blog.

The EMERGING OF CHEWY

WEll I very well couldn't give Tasha a nickname without coming up with one just as deserving for Bree. So as I comprised a web of choices I observed Bree for a few hours. And of course in order to observe Bree for a few hours there is just ONE place to go....TO THE KITCHEN!!!
Also contributing to Brees nickname was a common occurance that occured multiple times DAILY involving me and BREE that went something like this...
The setting is me and Bree in the (wouldn't you know...the kitchen) and I am cooking. Bree sits there the ENTIRE time watching me...and then just as the food is finished and I am about to take a bite.....
BRee says, "Ummm...that looks good..can I have some?" all while probing her face right up next to my untensil in antincipation for the next bite.
I say, "FINE " and I take a deep sigh.

The worst part is NOT that this takes place, but the fact that this is happening all while she is eating a cookie in another hand or costco size muffins in BOTH hands. No matter what she has, it is not enough, or good enough....she must have what RONNIE is eating. It wouldn't matter if I was eating terd on a stick...Bree would want it.

Oftentimes, when I would think I was all alone, I would whip a little something up and just as I would take my first bite, Bree would pop out of somewhere and want some.

To Bree, everyday was a nonstop all you can eat buffet. The eating never ended, even between her eternally long stories...Bree was eating....and so the nickname was born for BREE......the nickname being CHEWY.
Because no matter what time of day it is, you can find Bree chewing on something..and if she is on her last bite, you can find her chewing on YOUR food even before she has reached the end of her meal. The End love RONNIE

How the BO BO came about

So here is the story of how the Bo BO came about.
Tasha was in school one day with her beloved teacher Mr. Dahmule. Tasha and her cohurts however, decided that to properly pronounce the teachers name it shouldn't be pronounced "DAh- mule," but it should be pronounced "Dumb Mule" instead.
Likewise Mr Dahmule thought he was just grand and funny because he had devised a nickname for Tasha in class that day and as he took role he called Tasha the "Buger Queen."
Tasha rolled her eyes at the teacher and said to him, "oh, that is really funny Bo Bo." Mr Duhmule looked up from his desk and asked Tasha, "Just what does Bo Bo mean?" Proud with delight Tasha pulled an answer from her butt and proclaimed..... "IT MEANS MONKEY'S BUTT."
And so it has been that BO BO properly defined is to be interpreted Monkeys Butt.

To this day, that has been one of my favorite Tasha stories and so I found it necessary to call her BO BO for the rest of her life. Some people think it has to do with the fact that Tasha can make the perfect monkey face with enough people provoking her to do so....or if I threaten her with a spit yo yo. But more then that, it is her leveraged butt that seals the deal with Tashas BO BO name. At times, you would swear that her butt is run on hydrolics because it is set so high in the air. I think it is the simple monkee like features that Tasha posseses that make the name BO BO stick with her. And if she tried to run from it, she couldn't because it haunts her and follows her.....literally.

You may wonder why Tasha would not oppose such an unflattering nickname...and the reason is this...because there is a backup nickname for her. Devised by Chewy and myself....the backup nickname is "Tempelton." And if you have ever seen the cartoon "Charolettes Web" there is a scene where the rat (Templeton) goes crazy and eats all the food at the county fair, while singing....a task Tasha is completely capable of. the END love RONNIE

SWEET IS THE TASTE OF GRADUATION!!

SO as boring as it is to read I just have to announce that I, RONNIE McDonald have finally graduated!!!!! WHoohoo!! YIppe skippee to me! I am so excited to NEVER have the ultimate stress of full time school and work on my back again!! Of course I am still taking a few courses here and there but that is NOTHING compared to the crap I have plowed through this year! Yesturday my friends and I rewarded ourselves by skipping out on the Respiratory convention early and treating ourselves to massages!! It felt so good!! I am excited because I am going to make twice as much as I do now and I will be working twice as much. So that is nearly 3 times what i am making now!!! I am going to be living like a KING compared to what I have had!! In all honesty, the money is nice, but I am more excited about the relaxing life I will have compared to the sweat ladden life I had just last week!! LIFE IS GOOD! love RONNIE

CHEWYS BOOT

So it came to pass that Bree (aka Chewy) had a fractured leg times two and didn't even notice it until well into the season. So Bree goes to the doctor and they give her a big black permaboot to wear while she heals. Since the new acclaimed leg addition, Bree has gotten some new names for her leg such as Robo Leg and my particular favorite ( probably because I made it up) is soggy raisen leg.
It was one day while we were conversing on the couch that we decided that it would be so funny that it is practically necessary to wax Brees boot. Surely she would not let us do so, but late at night Bree had known to fall into some deep slumbers and the time would be opportune!! It wouldn't be that much fun to watch her walking around in it, as it would be to see her realize her boot was waxed when she hit the first wooden stair in the front entry room staircase!! That would be a timeless event worth taking the blame for!!! Just a thought. love RONNIE

Helltastic Wedding Day #2 Part 2

SO by some miraculous direction, we were able to find the temple. Kris dropped Granny and herself at the front steps to the temple cuz they were just barely beating the buzzer. We drove the car down to the very bottom of the temple parking lot to try and clean Mia who was still sitting contently in her red gummy scented throwup. It wasn't 30 seconds after we parked that BOBO noticed Kristina running towards our car. I immediately sensed that she was after her recommend of which she had left in the car. We coudln't help but laugh at the uncanny series of events. I threw Kristinas purse at Tashas head and by the time her laughter stopped Kris was in the car and we were driving her back up to the temple top. We dropped Kris off and returned to our original parking destination. It wasn't 3 minutes later that I looked out my window to see Kristina and floppy Jack both running towards us...again!! They came to deliver the message that Dad wanted me to try and get into the temple via calling my stake president. Why bother I thought....I don't even know what Stake I am in!! But I tried anyways and someone got me the hookup and I got in. So then the wedding occured and somehow we were there, actually present, in person, despite all things that were bound to keep us from getting there.

Mia ran around bear back in the car until it was time for pictures in fear of disaster #467 occuring on her white dress Kristina spent countless hours sewing. I still remember seeing Mia in the car, nearly all naked except for a diaper and a bright red puke oozing bellybutton. (Apparently Bree had run out of wipes and didn't notice the belly button in time). Well Mia got her white dress on and took pictures and never threw up!! It was grand and it SEEMED all the stress had settled.

Then we went to Olive Garden, and I had just come out of the bathroom went I noticed a "piso mojado" aka wet floor sign where the hostess was discustingly cleaning up a familar red ooze on the floor. "Oh no" I thought, "not again" ....but it was again. Mia had puked in the restaurant...again. But this time good old Chewy was holding her and this time Chewy got the worst of it. Bree was covered in red gummy juice...all over her new white shirt. But that wasn't even the worst part, the worst part was that Bree had to wear a boot for her fractured ankle and rumor has it that she got a fountains worth down her boot. Slaushing with every step Bree,Kristina Mia and Kaylee all went home.

Kristina and she was pretty much exhiled to the house for the rest of the night. Hours on end of cleaning up scattered spots of Mias interspursed puking. She never even got to attend the reception and she is still bitter about it. So we like to bring it up on occasion to add thrill to the conversation.
AND THAT MY FRIENDS IS THE END OF THE STORY OF THE HELLTASTIC WEDDING. MARCH 30 2007

Helltastic wedding Day #2 the morning

So the next morning I was finally feeling better, not up to parr completly but enough to make an appearance at my sisters wedding. I looked like Madum Mim, but despite how I looked I was just glad I could breath and walk again without my hunchback de-energizedness self.
As I was getting ready, I heard the news, my little niece had contracted the bug. She has just thrownup. Most amazingly was that fact that she was just fine after that she just danced to her Barney tapes like usual and ate like normal, so we decided to ignore the obvious and hope for the best.
It wasn't until we were on the way to the temple that we passed the town of Troutdale that we realized that we were lost and didn't know how to get to the temple. We were lost and we hadn't a clue how to get back on track since we didn't know what the right track was. Kristina started feeling bad that Grandma had driven all this way and wasn't going to make it to Nat wedding. So Kris cried.
Kristina looked at me from her rear view mirror and asked, "do you have your recommend." That was when I realized that it hadn't even crossed my mind to bring it. Being completely lethargic the day before I didn't even care. There was no turning around now, it was too late. I just laughed, what could I do. The situation was uncanny.
It wasn't seconds later that Bree announced the phrase that will forever go down in history. "IT SMELLS LIKE GUMMIES." That is when I caught a glimpse of bright red something spewing from the mouth of little Mia. "She's throwing up, " I announced only to see her spew followed by 2 more spews and then a projectile bright red one come from her and hit the back of the Kris's seat like the grand finale of a fireworks show. It was a mess and it was colorful..and apparently It SMELLED LIKE GUMMIES!!! (thanks to bobo and chewy who fed her fruit snacks despite my urging to feed her only clear liquids).


So there we were, lost, recommendless, gummy smelling, vomit projecting, Madum Mim portraying family. Just waiting for the rest of the drama to set in. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. The situation was ideal, it was the perfect Malcom in the middle momment, my very own! The End

The Helltastic Wedding Day 1

So as we all know I went to WA for my YOUNGER sisters wedding...who is younger then me....and she is getting married....younger then me.......Just joking. I really don't give a rats butt about it, becuase I am 2 weeks aways from graduating and as my friend Brooke has so perfectly put it.."planning on being as selfish as possible for the next year of so." What can I say..it is true!
So as for the wedding, we drove all 12 hours with my friend JoJO's kids. They were super good and quite......and it wasn't until the next day that I was in WA that a I realized why her kids were so good.....They were infectiously tired because they were still contaminated with the FLU which I ingested the next morning. Arising from the bed I went into the bathroom and stuck my finger as far down my throat as possible trying to make myself throwup and rid my stomach of the contaminates that infected me so. I just wanted it OUT!! Unfortunately, the contents came from the bottom end in watery substance otherwise known as diarrhea. I was miserbale. So after a few attempts and a pepto bismal later, i was successful and I spewed about 6 pieces of pizza from the previous night into the toilet bottoms. Only to be followed by the bottom end being emptied once again. So I spent the entire day having my head and butt buried in the same facinity. I don't recommend it. The worst part was the dehydration, I couldnt even walk the width of the house without stopping and resting on the floor and panting like a cow in heat for my next breath. After a 15 minute laying on the floor session I would finally muster up enough energy to raise off the floor and walk the next 10 feet, hunchback style because standing up straight took too much energy. That was Day 1 of the Helltastic Wedding. love RONNIE

The subject of family prayer

So it has come to my attention (by way of younger sibling Chewey) that I have recently become the subject of family prayer in the home. Since all my sisters of age have been officially entrapped in the bonds of marriage, my family has found it meet to pray for my lost on wondering soul.
Bree said, " It took everything out of me not to laugh the first time I heard Dad pray that you would find your companion. But now I am used to it."
Now I am not sure how long this has been going on, but apparently it has been going on for sometime, because the laughter is gone. Like an old joke, the punchline is uneffective when said.
I kept my cool when I heard this tragic news and laughed out loud and then schemed a scheme so great that I am destined to stay single and selfspoiled. I told Bree, that if I got married then I would not be the single rich person that I am soon to be and that I would not have nearly the means to spoil her. So we have concluded, that in order to prevent the spoiling of Bree from being concluded, Bree would pray AGAINST the family. While Dad would pray for me to find my companion one evening, Bree would pray for me NOT to find my companion on another. The plan was perfect. And it is destined to come to pass and allow me to remain in my selfish state because Bree/Chewey is nearly the most perfect person a person could ever meet. And by way of perfection, Brees prayers are destined to be answered above all others prayers.
So I sit here, scheme in play as we speak. And despite the desperate pleas of marriage for my fathers ugly daughter, I remain single. And if the days comes that Brees prayers are not longer effective and Mr Right comes along, I think I will stop shaving my legs...and if that doesn't work, I will have to pick up the habit of picking my nose and if that doesn't work I will have to declare a terrible case of hemmeroids in public and if that doesn't work I will surrender. The End love RONNIE